“A Mindful Leadership Story by Joan Spindel”
“I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything…at least not at the same time. So think in terms of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.” – Dan Millman.
In my twenties, finding a job to pay the rent, learn, expand my social network and travel the world were my only objectives. Timing in life is everything and thankfully it was the 1980’s during the technology boom, and while I had no real work experience, hard workers were needed, and I successfully talked my way into and landed my first job.
In my thirties, I transitioned out of my individual contributor role and started leading and managing teams. I was often the only woman leading a meeting or presenting at a conference; no female role models nor mentors existed for me, but despite that, I did okay. I never really thought about “leaning in or leaning out.” There were no fancy formulas – I worked hard, learned new skills, and delivered results. So, while it wasn’t part of any grand plan, I ended up working for organizations like EMC, Lotus and IBM – early pioneers and innovators in the world of technology. In time, I became Chief Marketing Office for a sexy technology start-up. Life was good.
It was also during this time that I met my husband (another technology geek!), fell in love, got married, and decided to start a family. There was a sudden shift in my values – excelling at work seemed less important and having a baby became my new focus. Unfortunately it didn’t go as planned and I learned I was not able to conceive. It was a difficult and painful time for me. But in the end, my husband and I decided to explore adoption. It turned out to be the best decision of our lives. We soon welcomed a beautiful baby boy into our family. It was love at first sight.
Ironically, when our son came home, I was also offered my dream job at a Fortune 500 company. It quickly became apparent that I wouldn’t be able to honor my family values and be an executive at the same time. Despite really wanting the job, in the end I turned down the offer. I knew I needed flexibility and that that role was not where I would find what I needed.
After much internal debate, I decided to go it alone and set up my own tech marketing consulting firm. It wasn’t so easy to leave an exciting job with benefits, steady income, and fancy title that commanded respect. And given my introverted nature, I was not sure I had the chutzpah to make it on my own. But over time, my professional network and diverse work experience helped me land clients and fortunately for me my business grew.
In my new role as an independent consultant, I redefined personal and professional success. The ability to scale business up or down in order to meet my own personal needs became more important than titles, teams, and steady income. I have come to learn, and truly appreciate, that while not always easy, honoring my own values versus allowing others to define what’s important to me, is what true success looks like.
My family life is rich and my son is a flourishing teenager. Because I met life on my own terms, I have been able to be mindful about how I want to show up as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, and professional woman. And ultimately define and live my own definition of success.
Joan Spindel, General Partner of the Scarsdale Group, has 20+ years of experience creating and developing marketing strategies and tactics for both high technology and services led companies. She provides consulting services to a variety of organizations including Fortune 100 firms, start-ups and non-profits. She helps organizations launch new products/ventures (“Launch It’) or solve problems (“Fix It”), often filling in as acting CMO for companies in transition.
In her spare time, Joan enjoys hosting parties, working out at the gym, painting, and spending time with her husband and son.