Helping leaders emerge

“A Mindful Leadership Story by Sang Lee”

Introducing My Dear Grandmother

I would like to share a personal story of the woman who raised and shaped me to be the person I am today. For most of my life, I thought she was my grandmother but I later learned she was a close friend of my maternal birth grandmother’s. So, for the purpose of this essay, when I mention my “grandmother,” I will be referring to the woman who raised me.

In 1971 when I was born, my mother had health issues and was not able to care for me. Consequently, I spent most of my childhood with my grandmother. She was my protector, defending me against my parents and two older siblings regardless of how irrational my behavior was. To this day, I have fond memories of Grandmother sneaking me food when I refused to eat with the rest of the family.

My grandmother loved me unconditionally but this is not the main point of the story. What was remarkable about her was that she was physically disabled. Unfortunately, when she was a child, she fell off a wagon and damaged her spine. As a result, she became a 4’ woman with a severely curved spine, making her look like a hunchback. While her appearance did not bother her at home, it did in public and she rarely ventured outside.

When I was nine years old, my father was offered (and accepted) a job with the Korean Embassy in Washington, DC. Our entire family obtained visas to move with him except for Grandmother because she was not a “blood” relative. Upon hearing this, I screamed, cried and carried on for days, driving my parents crazy until they somehow figured out a way to secure Grandmother a visa.

So even in the US, Grandmother continued to care for my sister, brother, and me, cooking our meals and taking care of the house. She was the “glue” that kept our family going, the real COO, while Mother was more of a figure head.

Life Lesson in a Single Impressionable Event: The Story of McDonalds

After living in the US for about three years, my father was promoted to a new position located in South Korea. The timing was not ideal because my older brother was about to leave for college. And, because of this, my parents made the tough decision that they would move to South Korea and leave us with my grandmother and guardians. Our guardians were mostly there in case of emergency, and, in reality, it was my tiny grandmother, who did not speak a word of English, who took care of my brother, sister and me, on her own, in a foreign country.

There is one event that stands out during this time that has had a huge impact on my personal and professional development. One day, my sister and Grandmother went shopping. I was a huge fan of McDonald’s chicken nuggets and asked my sister if she would stop by McDonald’s to get me some. She replied that she was busy and McDonald’s was too far out of the way to pick up “junk food” for her little brother.

A couple of hours went by and my sister returned home, alone. When I asked her where Grandmother was, she answered that Grandmother had insisted on going to McDonald’s to get my food. I became furious at my sister for leaving Grandmother, a woman who hated being out in public and couldn’t speak a word of English, to venture out on her own. My sister and I argued for what felt like an eternity until we became concerned that Grandmother might be lost. That’s when the front door opened and Grandmother walked in, holding a bag from McDonald’s containing my chicken nuggets and favorite BBQ sauce! Relieved to see her, I shed tears of joy and gave her a huge hug.

Impact on My Life

To this day, my sister and I talk about the McDonald’s story whenever we discuss the impact Grandmother had in shaping the person I am today. I always envision what it must have been like for the McDonald’s employees to see this little hunchbacked Asian grandmother desperately attempting to get food for me, her grandchild. My grandmother, who for an instant, probably didn’t care about the obvious stares she must have received due to her appearance and inability to speak English.  She was determined to fulfill her mission of making me happy. The amazing thing about the McDonald’s event was that when Grandmother returned home, she acted as if nothing special had happened.

I often think of my grandmother, a remarkable woman, who even though she experienced doubt and fear, was still strong, humble, and compassionate enough to rise to meet any situation head-on and make the most of it. She was a person filled with love and compassion, who demonstrated, through repeated actions, the importance of humility and quiet confidence. These lessons have always stayed with me. And, as a result, I try to guide and remind my family and colleagues that it is okay to have flaws, weaknesses and fear but, despite these, we must rise to meet the occasion.

My beloved grandmother is no longer physically with me but not one day goes by without me thinking about her and appreciating her unconditional love for me. And, most importantly, I try to live my life, both personally and professionally, reflecting on the lessons learned from my dear grandmother who showed me the true way to lead people is through love, compassion, humility and quiet confidence.

Sang Lee is a managing partner at Aite Group, a research and advisory firm to the top 200 financial institutions, leading technology vendors and professional services firms. I met Sang when my husband, Brad, worked with him at Aite. I am always inspired by Sang’s humble, kind and authentic leadership style.

On a personal note, Sang is happily married with three children and describes himself as “the worse half of a beautiful relationship.”