“Non-Violence means cooperation when it is possible & resistance when it is not.”
– Inspired by the film Kundun about the Dalai Lama
A client recently shared with me that he was experiencing an emotionally charged and difficult situation with a direct report whose abrasive and disrespectful behavior was negatively impacting the team’s morale and productivity. After discussing a few approaches, my client decided to use the following framework to prepare himself for the conversation.
Later on my client mentioned that answering the questions in the framework helped him get clear and grounded, and achieve the outcome he wanted. He also felt good knowing that he showed up kind and compassionate yet firm towards his direct report.
What do I want?
- A better situation for the team (and business)
How do I want to “show up?”
- Curious and open (does not mean I have to agree)
- Compassionate yet firm
- Speak softly
- Grounded and calm, avoid drama
- Remain neutral and not reactive – don’t take the bait
How can I be present?
- Be in tune with the other person
- Prepare myself before the meeting by taking a 10 minute walk
- Remind myself what I want and how I want to show up
- If the meeting gets too heated, take a break
What am I grateful for?
- Opportunity to practice a challenging situation
- That I am me and not the other person
What are my intentions?
- Share the feedback with him in a way he can hear it
- Support him in developing the skills he needs (plan, coaching, etc.)
- Understand if he’s committed to changing
- Discuss consequences if he’s not committed
What can I let go of?
- Feeling responsible for his choices and behavior
- What he will ultimately do