“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” – Dalai Lama
Most of the time we only listen to the first few words the other person is speaking before we begin formulating a response. And unfortunately, our response typically has little to do with the other person. And as a result, many of our conversations end up like the old “Who’s on First” Abbott and Costello routine.
So it’s not a surprise that many executives express that listening is an important communication skill and part of their continuous leadership development. Simple concept, not easy practice.
Why is it so challenging?
- We speak at 100-175 words a minute and think at 600-800 words a minute
- Attention span today is ONLY 2.5 seconds versus 15 seconds few generations back
- The mind is a chronic wanderer
- Too much constant stimulation – cell phones, email, etc.
- Involves being patient, which is challenging in our fast paced, “get it done now” world
Listening tips:
- Get present
- Slow down
- Remove distractions – e.g., turn cellphone on silent
- Listen without judgment
- Ask open ended, curious questions versus direct, yes and no
- Listen to the other person for the first five minutes
- Do not finish the sentence of the other person or interrupt
- Pay attention to the body language of the other person
- Listen for what is being said and for what is not